On Breakdowns and Breakthroughs

As we watch the recent floods from Hurricane Irene and start to recall memories of 9/11, I'm thinking about that feeling when the power goes out, or something unexpected and important breaks down, and you have have no choice but to adjust to a new reality until your old one is restored. If it can be.

I definitely see breakdowns as an opportunity--to reboot, to unblock, to be reminded of other ways of assuming, and, if I'm conscious about it, to help me break out of a pattern that is not serving me. Crisis of some sort is often required for real change, even though some systems are so sclerotic (e.g., U.S. politics) that even crises don't appear to work. I'm wondering, though, might breakdowns actually be prerequisites to breakthroughs?

Okay, I ask because even though I've held it together pretty damn well, I've recently been experiencing my own flood of technological and other breakdowns--no kidding, my computer, land line, cell phone, scooter, car and body have all recently blown a gasket of some sort. I'm generally thrilled to say I have finally crossed back over and am now writing this on a brand new iMac. I'm more hesitant to admit that I'm going in tomorrow to be knocked out and cut up and returned home to heal and soon, God- and universe-willing, be softball-swinging even better than before.

So right now I'm trying to make sense of it all by concluding that I've been breaking down so I can continue to break out, that when the power goes out and my phone is dead the next thing I know I am enjoying the company of the too-long-avoided neighbors and planning a block party. Yes. I'm going to conclude that these breakdowns will soon be followed by breakthroughs that even now I have yet to imagine.

Reinvention at 2 Months: Warrior in Hiding

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As Spring began, I took on the task of reinvention--of seeing if I could consciously change from the inside out and operate out of a new identity more in alignment with the life of creative purpose I want to live.

I created a new identity to embrace--that of a Warrior of Aliveness--and set out to activate that Warrior within. I sought out power sources and consciously adjusted my inner dialogue to think differently and then act out of that new thinking.

From the start I met with an internal saboteur, what Stephen Pressfield calls "resistance," somehow infusing me with unwarrior-like complaints and excuses. Each time I thought I was making progress, a part of me revolted and went into hiding. Each time I attempted to gird my Warrior loins I looked to see my fly open on my couch potato's boxer shorts. I avoided my blog. I avoided life more often than usual. I felt stalled, stuck.

Yes, I admit it, after two months I just have not made the reinvention progress I had hoped for. I'm not proud. But I am also not done. I'm not giving up the battle. I may not yet be that Warrior I want to be but I am in small steps getting to know him better. I will talk to him directly in the next blog entry. For now, I am left with this from Pressfield's new book, Do the Work, as he describes "resistance," the force that stops us from doing the creative work and making changes in habits that we want:

Resistance is Insidious. Resistance will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work. It will perjure, fabricate, falsify; seduce, bully, cajole. Resistance is protean. It will assume any form, if that's what it takes to deceive you.
Resistance will reason with you like a lawyer or jam a nine-millimeter in your face like a stickup man. Resistance has no conscience. It will pledge anything to get a deal, then double-cross you as soon as your back is turned.
Resistance is always lying and always full of shit.

Reinvention Week 4: Mission Mantras

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I'm in the process of reinvention and I'm asking the question: What does it take to change my internal identity in such a way that sustained change--real reinvention--can happen? I went inward and Eastward last week to yoga and a yogi, and was left with the message to create my own mantras.

Now when I just write the word "Mantra"--which simply is a repeated, often sacred phrase or sound used by meditators for thousands of years to create transformation--an automatic thought is activated in me. Actually several. That I am risking embarrassment by sharing this. That I live in Chicago and no longer Northern California, and I shouldn't make people here cringe. That I should worry about my reputation as a professional consultant. That I should give up this "reinvention" idea because as much as it sounds good and is what "all innovators are doing" it requires changing something within, which is hard to talk about or admit to or do at all without worrying about a whole host of implications.

You see, I have many automatic thoughts whose goals appear to be to keep me in a life of safety, resist any risk and change, and shut out any ideas of living a more impactful life.

And I know you do too. So I'm asking you--yes, you, reading this right now--what automatic thoughts do you have that are keeping you small and safe? And more importantly, if you could silence those thoughts and live from an identity that would be closer to your real calling, what identity would that be?

Despite my automatic thoughts shaming me for weakness at having to resort to mantras, those thoughts are full of crap. My goal is to be a Warrior--not Worrier--of Aliveness. A warrior must use whatever can work to achieve his mission. And I just don't see how I can change my internal chatter without the proactive, creative act of re-wiring my messages to myself. Think about it--what is stopping you from being more of the YOU-you-want-to-be in the world? In large part it's our internal mantras, our repeated phrases born of protection and fear. So my goal is to change them.

Here's my challenge to you: Send me some of the mantras befitting the identity you want to live out of. You can share them anonymously (or not) via comment or by email to me. I want to hear them. And I need to create and hear mine, again and again, to myself, every day, in order for transformation to happen.

While historically a mantra can be anything from a simple sound or phrase or a more detailed affirmation, right now I need my mantras to reflect my mission. What does it mean to me to take on this identity I'm calling a Warrior of Aliveness? I need to be reminded, again and again, of who I am and what I am up to in this world. So here are some of my mission mantras that I am repeating again and again, morning and night, to rewire my automatic thoughts. What are yours?

To live as my most awakened self To help others live more as their true selves To discover and follow my passions To feel more alive and be in the moment To eviscerate the needless negative To stretch others and myself to actively make a difference in the world To say yes to that which enlivens To take out my sword and slice the saboteur who keeps me closed and small To be and help others to be a creator and not just a spectator To open my heart and feel more, rather than numb myself To be excited about life To bring more love into the world To experience the world and try new things rather than hide To release the negative and embrace positive To get off the leash of my monkey mind To be in the now rather than escape and distract myself To speak the truth and help others speak their own truth To take bigger risks To be a model for possibility To embrace change To stop pleasing others at the cost of my own principles and passions To express myself boldly, creatively and confidently...

Reinvention, Week 2: Identity Shift

Last week I discussed "reinvention"--a popular buzzword and new imperative for ongoing success in business and life in a culture of constant change--and decided it's time for me to take it on myself. What will it really take for me to reinvent myself? I ask this question seriously and with an actual lump in my throat.

Lately my ongoing attempts to live a creative life and spark creativity in others have not led to enough satisfaction or sense of purpose for me. I seek sustained changes and new results that only full reinvention can spark. My typical back door methods--perhaps a splash of charm or a well-placed creative quip--are no longer cutting it.

It's time for me to jump into the cold water of reinvention and learn how to swim, even if my flesh has to wrinkle and age and prune and peel.

Okay, so let me repeat from last week: Reinvention cannot happen unless there is a fundamental change in belief about myself. I can't just wear purple clothes and say I have been reinvented. I have to change something within--something that shifts my guiding mindset--and let it work its way out. Maybe it's possible to do that instantly but I've never discovered how. Coming up with new ideas is not my problem. But they lead only to occasional reinvigoration. Not real reinvention.

So I've decided to change a fundamental belief--the belief about my identity itself. I've been stuck in whoever I thought I was and not able to bring about changes I wanted in my life. So forget whatever my identity was two weeks ago. As of last week, I took on another, may the flags be unfurled and words now capitalized.

I am a Warrior of Aliveness.

Yes, you heard me. Warrior. Of Aliveness. That's the new identity I have been working from in order to realize reinvention that sticks. Warrior of Aliveness. WOA.

If you know me, you know that I am not a particularly warmongering man. Yet there is something about the uncompromising mission of a warrior that appeals to me right now. And generally I believe in language grounded in specific, concrete reality. "Aliveness" doesn't really do that. But it works for me. I will explain more in the future.

For now, as I've been settling into this new identity, I've realized that I need an ongoing power source to survive in this world. It's not easy to be a Warrior of Aliveness in the thought-mind I currently own or in the 21st century Chicago culture I am surrounded by. So I must find certain kinds of fuel that enable my warrior-fire to burn within. I now go off to seek it.

Reinvention now!

"In today’s environment of superacceleration, catch-up is a fool’s game. There is no advantage in keeping up. Forget about trying to compete. Instead, leapfrog the competition by redefining anything and everything about your business. Look at what the competition is doing—and do something entirely different." ~Daniel Burris and John David Mann, "The Reinvention Imperative"

Whether you know it or want it, you are in the process of reinventing yourself. The idea of reinvention--not just once but continuously, not just personally but organizationally--is now part of the 21st century conversation on success. It goes like this: we have to keep changing, keep learning and keep innovating in order to be relevant and in demand in the marketplace.

I mostly agree, and as a passionate advocate for more creativity in our lives and our culture, I enjoy taking part in this forward-thinking conversation from upstarts such as Change This, an online content source whose mission is to spread new ideas from original thinkers. Its latest issue includes "The Reinvention Imperative" by Daniel Burrus & John David Mann, which compellingly makes the case that it is now an imperative to reinvent ourselves and our businesses in order to keep up in a world where "change itself has changed":

There are two kinds of change: change from the outside in, and change from the inside out. The first happens to you. The second is an initiative that you take through conscious intention. Today there is an urgent need to anticipate and take the initiative to change from the inside out, even as all these transformations are coming at us from the outside in.

Burrus and Mann make the point that we have to be both proactive and extraordinary, and that real reinvention means getting closer to our own core, our own unique gifts. "The reinvention imperative," they write, "puts each of us on a quest to be the best me we can be."

Okay. But let's stop here. Talk of reinvention sounds cool. And it fits with my blog articles of these past few years and with my creativity competency principles:

>Fluency: Consider all of my possible options and identities

>Flexibility: Shift some things around and see things with fresh eyes

>Originality: Truly embrace my best and most unique self and offer it to the world.

But how do we really reinvent ourselves so that change is not just temporary and the results are real and different? If I'm going to reinvent myself--which I happen to be in the process of doing quite actively--what does that really mean? Does it mean that I have to change my insides first (umm, how?) or that I have to just embrace the core me and put it out in the world more effectively (oh, is that all)?

I think for personal reinvention to occur there must be a powerful mindset shift, a real change in belief about ourselves. Reinvention must be powered by a belief shift and real differences in behavior that comes from an alternative belief frame.

The truth is, this blogger needs a reinvention, a real one, not just one written on paper or that sounds good. It's time for me to put the creativity principles and rabble-rousing I've recorded here--yes, this blog holds more than 130 articles that can keep you busy reading and linking and viewing for days--to action.

Time to take the advice of the "Reinvention" authors: to stop trying to keep up and do the same as others and instead do something entirely different.

Time to embrace a belief and identity that forces reinvention and risk-taking.

Time to play by different rules.

Time for a new identity and new belief system that befits a warrior of aliveness.

On Blindspots, Shift and Change

I woke up antsy again this morning, a common occurrence for me of late, sensing that I need a shift in life but not sure what to do or where to focus. So I write this with no conclusion planned, no lesson about creativity already identified. I am seeking a personal breakthrough, a change of perspective, right here, right now, fingertips on laptop.

I'm trying to turn toward my peripheral vision to uncover my blindspot(s)--where an answer lies--but what I see and hear instead is this constant barrage from my mind: Get to your 14 things to do, go through those 4 different pending email folders, make those calls, strategize then plan then do then act then go, go, go or you are in trouble. To escape this noise, I click on an email and suddenly find myself reading Will Marre's blog, where he is addressing something similar in his post "Take Back Your Life." He describes the increase of stress in our personal work worlds, and this part speaks to me:

Those who have decided to work for themselves as consultants or starting a new enterprise have so much pressure to outperform that the velocity of our warship has to always be moving at “warp.” If we slow down the immense gravity of our death-star economy will crush us. Whew.

That's it. The pressure I too often feel has put some kind of neck brace on me. I can't turn my head toward a very real force that is trying to get my attention. This is why I'm so antsy. I need to shift but the immense gravity weighs on me and I can't move.

So now I'm trying to access a different part of my being through the less rigid, right side of my brain. I rifle through some writing and find a poem of mine that recalls a long-ago moment in Napa, CA. Yes, this is close to the feeling I'm having.

...I cool against this tree trunk
with the wood-wind in my hair

and the sound of motors

in my mind

I remember the need I felt then to dip my head into some different kind of water:

Right now I crave water that has the texture of birth

and I would dip my head in it to show

what can be replaced

My hair would not turn gold
like the boy from the story

but I would find alloys from this strange land

in the puddle near the drain

of the bin I wash in

to start my day

I just took a shower. I was consciously trying to wash out the "alloys" from my hair in order to feel different, to emerge with a new mindset that would enable me to see what I needed to do in a way I couldn't before. But I discovered that nothing washed out of my hair. The alloys, if anything, were now a more permanent part of me--the gray in my hair. Which I realize I can cover or hide but can never replace.